"China! We like you to!"

A sign I saw in the bathroom at dinner tonight: Energiz Paper, Tank You!

...

What...Did I just use some sort of caffeine-infused paper? Do you want me to be eco-friendly? What do you want from me!?

Thus began and ended my mini breakdown of the day.

In the last two days, I have come across five glorious reasons why China is absolutely, unequivocally, crazy.

1. You make giant Iphones (illegally. But who cares? You are China- do whatcha gonna do.)

2. You brain-wash people while they get thur hairs did.

3. You consider dogs to be walking, barking food items.

^^^^^Yes, that does say Dog Meat^^^^^

^^^^^…yup. It is what you think it is.^^^^^

4. You have large groups of middle-aged ladies dancing in the middle of the street.

5. Subway time is phone time. ONLY PHONE TIME…and stare –at-white-girl time.

But, all the same, you provide me with endless amounts of entertainment, so keep it up, China, keep it up.

Reasons why I think my Chinese professor is adorable...

An e-mail I just got from my Chinese professor:

hi, taylor!

I am laoshi! I want to tell u that yourfinal exam score is just 35% of your total score.

Your total score is 90! so your grade is A-!

I know that you r audit in my class! The grade is not very important!

But i want to tell you that you do very well!

You r a very good student! I like you !

See you at farewell dinner!

AAAhhh...why is she so cute?!

All before 10am

After waking up at 6am, and preparing for my Chinese final, I was feeling pretty awesome.

This feeling amplified times a million when I looked outside and saw that the sky was ACTUALLY BLUE. HOLY GOODNESS ME.

Further yet, after taking the Chinese final and realizing that I was still alive and did not have the urge to jump from my balcony, I was thinking that this day was going to be glorious.

I decided to treat myself by going to a newly discovered bakery and purchasing lunch (after purchasing, I realized it was not even 9am). My food of choice? An aptly named item: Inquisitive Bacon Pepper.

In my head, I recall the next moments as such: I am skipping down the street, singing to myself, "La la la the sky is blue and this day is magical, la la la" when I hear an "eeeeeeeee!!!! CRACK."

...

Why yes- I had just witnessed a chicken get its lil' neck snapped. I then proceeded to stand, mouth gaping, and stare as a small man squatted on the ground atop a pile of chicken bones and pulled off the chicken's feathers, gutted and bled out the bird.

I realized my eyes were watering because I refused to blink, and I actually took two steps back and sat down- mesmerized by this activity. About this time, a lady walked up and began bargaining with the man for the chicken. They were conversing about a price when he nonchalantly cast the lifeless body aside- right into the steaming guts- in order to pull out his wallet. This is where I had a shocking realization about how dirty Chinese yuan must be.

Eventually, I gathered my wits, came out of my chicken-induced trance, and continued on my way back to my dorm.

It is not even 10am and my day has already been fulfilled.

Blue? No way.

Today the sky was almost blue.

I took a picture, which seemed to confuse the living daylights out of an old man doing old-people exercises.

Then realized that I have never taken a picture of my daily walk to class…so I did that too.

After my exam, where the professor asked us questions regarding concepts I never knew existed, I walked to the grocery store. I bought some fruit and veggies, spoke to the clerk behind the counter, freaked another old man out who walked up to me, starred me in the face, and walked away baffled. Who would have thunk that Chinese could spill out of a white girl’s mouth? Granted, I am sure I was wandering around looking incredibly lost and he was just wondering what the heck I was doing…such is life.

. . .

Oh…I also went to a karaoke bar with the people in my program…

And that is all as of now!

The most massive mall, Hangzhou and my internship interview

My bad if this post sounds all whiny- deal.

The Most Massive Mall

Let me preface this by saying that I have never been to the Mall of America, or any other super large malls- just shut it if you have criticism and let me talk- THIS PLACE WAS HUGE.

Not only that but every so often you would get these nine-story butterfly dangly things (see picture) that could only have been installed in China where they have the sheer man-power to spend hours upon hours untangling the knots that these strands must have caused. I was in awe. I actually found myself walking around with my mouth open for a bit until I realized I looked exactly like a typical gawking tourist in trepidation over some country’s sheer materialistic power.

Do you see the red cafe? Did you know Versace (designer) also has a specialty line of cafes?

LAME.

Tower of butterflies.

Hangzhou

Last week we went to Hangzhou for an overnight trip. I had been looking forward to the trip the whole week but honestly- it was unimpressive (hence why it has taken me forever to write about it). Granted, I may sound a little stuck up here- I mean, come on. Unimpressive? I’m in freakin’ China. But…yeah.

We awoke bleary-eyed and were corralled onto a bus (I seriously feel like cattle sometimes) where we sat for four hours on the bumpiest highway I have yet to encounter. We pulled over into a bus stop, and everyone got out, shuffled to the bathroom where people were literally using a wall to pee. No stall doors, no toilet paper- only a slightly slanted floor and a wall (now I really feel like cattle). Back on the bus. Finally, we got into Hangzhou. Lunch, hotel- nap for one hour- back out to go visit a temple.

This temple was a weird mixture of a too-heavy religious feel matched with a mist that would not allow you to see further than several yards. It was a strange combination. I’ve spent several minutes trying to put this emotion into words and all I can think of is this: consider being fully clothed and wrapped in a blanket of rain, soaked to the point where you wouldn’t care if you fell into a lake or not- but all you want is to be dry.

Uugh. So, maybe it still doesn’t make sense. Anyway, I left the group and wandered on my own, as usual. I ended up going to the top of the temple where there was a small worship area and few people. I sat on the steps overlooking the hillside and it was the only time throughout my stay in Hangzhou where peace settled over me and everything was good.

A few minutes later I heard a gong clang, and I went down the hill to where the monks were chanting. I watched them for a bit until I realized that I was late to meet everyone else and headed back.

Sleep.

The next day was somewhat of an endurance test. We awoke at 7ish, and were wandering aimlessly around a lake by 9am. Once again, the air was too thick to take any good pictures. We were all practically drones mindlessly following the director, not even having energy to wander out on our own. Soon enough we were back on the bus to enjoy the jostling ride back home.

The saddest man in Hangzhou

Sass.

Misty mist

Old + New = Confused China.

Internship Information

Forgive me if my usual tone is lacking during this section. The time has reached 2:20am and I feel like this blog post has turned into cruel punishment while I want for the images to load. UUUUGH. Anyway…short points about the internship:

- Will be teaching about 20 (20-30 year old) I.T. guys how to improve their English. I will also be editing documents, etc.

- Work days: Tuesday and Thursday from early in the morning until evening (~ 7am to 7pm).

- There is a shuttle that will take me to work. It leaves at 8am from a location near campus, and then it departs my work place at 5:30pm. The shuttle ride is…wait for it…1.5 hours long. Yup…3 hours in transit every Tuesday and Thursday.

- Benefits? I get to say I worked for an international company in Shanghai, China…

- Negatives? Shuttle ride. BUT- I can invest in some wonderful literature, and I will be good to go!

That is all as of now.

Happy Father’s Day!

...什么?

First of all, happy birthday to both my Fasha and Megan! The two of you should have received your own birthday e-mail...then again, who knows with this internet access if it actually got through or not...

On another note, I got back from my Hangzhou trip today, and I am physically drained. It rained the whole time and was more an endurance test than anything else. No great pictures came out of the trip- but the experience was worth it. I will tell you all about the entertaining aspects of my journey later (prostitutes and being bombarded with the color orange, not to mention salsa music and getting lost on temple grounds...).

But, right now, all I want to do is share with you some glorious signs that I have come across:

-----Since Tomorrow. But of course that is logical…-----

-----I was walking up the steps at the temple when I noticed this sign. I concluded crawling as my only alternative and continued onward.-----

-----What tower?-----

-----Brilliant. After we fix the spelling, I think these should be installed on college campuses nationwide.-----

I’m sitting here, it is about 23:00 and it is raining. I opened the door to my balcony and breathed in the humid summer air. Normally, I’m a ball full of cynicism and reality checks but for a moment I had that rare realization that I have a soft side- no horns were honking, no people yelling, no dogs barking. All I could hear was the rain making the all-too familiar noise of patter on cement. As I closed my eyes I was overcome with the realization that no matter where you are, rain at night smells the same. South Carolina, D.C., Kansas, Groningen, or Shanghai- and it made me homesick, but in a good way. With my eyes closed I was able to wander back to the childhood memories of damp fields and open night skies after a light rain. But I also knew that when I opened my eyes again I’d be standing there, on a balcony in Shanghai overlooking buildings upon buildings, watching the families inside conduct their nightly rituals. For the first time in a long time, my homesickness was replaced with a feeling of comfort. I know that my life is going to take me all around this little planet of ours from Africa to Asia, Europe to South America. I know that I will be spending many more nights like this, overlooking another foreign city and finding out, in my heart, that somehow I call it home. I call it home, just as I call Kansas my home, or my brother’s apartment, Grandy’s and Aunt Mary’s house, …they are all home.

And I know, sitting here, the feelings of nostalgia are wearing off, the sense of cynicism creeping back in and all I want is to slip on my shoes, go downstairs and outside to the moped or car or whatever mechanical device is emitting that screeching siren and smash it into little electronic bits with a baseball bat and stand over the hot pieces of metal as the siren lets off its last, subtle drone as it dies.

Gotta love Shanghai.

The Shanghai-Puppeteers

Have I mentioned how I am absolutely convinced that Shanghai has been invaded by aliens?

Allow me to explain...

Upon arriving in this city, I have noticed several things. One of which could be how, every week, for one day, for about 5 hours, every ten minutes fighter jets fly over the city (was that time span confusing enough? )…trying to be sneaky are ya’?

Besides the random angry jets, what about all your “trying to look like normal buildings but really they are just alien space ship” buildings? Eh?

Take this building for example:

I saw this sucker in People’s Square. Sure, during the day it looks all innocent and half-sphere-like…but at night? WHY DO YOU LIGHT UP LIKE THAT. Sure, you claim it is for show, and all the buildings light up at night because it attracts people, and people spend money, and it boosts the economy…don’t give me that impeccable logic! I know what is really going on. Obviously your alien counterparts only come out at night, and they like the pretty lights. The pretty lights make them feel at home in their little space shuttle in the sky.

What about this building:

Do you really need two saucer-like buildings in the city? Really? I think not. I think you couldn’t come up with a more creative way to hide your aliens’ strange desires to live in circular places (like humanity’s need to put ourselves in boxes of varying sizes…) so you just decided to build another alien-palace. I see. I get it. No worries.

And of course there is the all-powerful, all-knowing building I have thus dubbed The Claw.

You can tell me all you like that it is a five star Marriott hotel that hosts only the richest and most famous people in the world, but I know the truth. I know that the only reason there is a GIANT ORB inside the claw-like structure is because that is the power source for all your little alien activities. Don’t lie to me and tell me you didn’t plan that shape, and the weird way the building looks like it can detach from its base and shoot off into the sky. And yes, when it is thundering and storming outside, I do see how the lightening hits the claw and is attracted directly into the orb. I saw that. Don’t think I didn’t. You can’t fool me.

And then we have this “Pearl Tower”

…could you be any more obvious? I decided I needed a little visit inside this beast of a building just to make sure you aliens are not chillin’ inside laughing maniacally over the fast-paced, ever-growing city of Shanghai, doing your evil bidding while watching the money stack up. But when I was inside, I was keenly aware how I, and everyone else, was under your spell. Don’t ask me why humans get dumb at insanely high heights and all we want to do is stare, eyes glazed, out of windows at the sheer vastness of this thing we call “earth”.



I walked around the viewing deck, went outside to the part where you stand on glass (you want to know what is fun? Jumping up and down on that part...hehehe)

…and then was perfectly content with life and found myself at the bottom of the tower, exiting the grounds…How did you do it, aliens? How did you brainwash me into forgetting my mission, getting all giddy and childlike and staring out at all the craziness that is called “Shanghai”. I’ll never know.

Touché, dear Shanghai-Puppeteers.

First Week in Shanghai

Alright…so I finally have a VPN (Virtual Private Network, allows me to access sites such as this blog and facebook that are otherwise blocked in China)! This means that I will be uploading my previous posts that I have constructed in the glorious Microsoft Word (2010- ballin’!)

So here we go!

After a short 30 hour accumulation of plane rides (no biggie) I landed in my much anticipated destination of Shanghai, CHINA!!!

I step out of the plane, find my bags, trot on over to the director who was picking us up and we head off down the highway…now you would think I would have at least 30 minutes before I would be smacked in the face by some blatant display of culture shock, right?

WRONG. That car ride, and every car ride since, has been a near death experience that I have no idea how I successfully am able to peel myself from the car seat, and roll out of the side door without hurling all over the ground. Dear goodness, China. It is like you all are linked to the same network, and are able to practically run head-on into each other but at the last moment swerve (only to swerve into another near death experience), and on and on until we reach our destination. I have no idea what kind of training drivers have to go through but I have to admit- to be able to drive so awfully, quickly, and successfully merits every taxi driver an award.

Thus- we landed at Shanghai University. Granted at this stage of the journey my legs are wobbling and I am woefully feeling the effects of jet lag (over 20 hours on planes in the middle seat merits the most wonderful of sleeping accommodations) but I won’t let that get me down! I’m in freakin’ Shanghai!

I put my bag in my room (a massive room might I add- two beds!) and go back downstairs to meet people who are going to take us out to lunch…

And here is where everything gets really hazy… a day passes, where I think I see my nearby surroundings…I recall angry honking noises…honestly, if you have ever been on those merry-go round thingies on playgrounds that make you spin so fast the trees blur together into some twisted abstract painting- that is what the next two days felt like.

BUT… One night I did end up in People’s Square. I honestly cannot tell you how I got there, or what happened when I was there, but I came out of the experience with pictures (that’s what matters- right?)

(People's Square)

(People's Square and the giant building that looks like a tazer (tazor?))

(One last hurrah for People's Square)

OH! I do remember eating dinner, or at least the dessert part of dinner. I didn’t order any dessert, but the guy next to me did. It was five different scoops of ice cream, and it ended up with us having to guess the flavors, and it went a little something like this: strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, green tea, pineapple, and purple.

Yup. Purple. To this day, I can still recall the taste, but have no idea what the heck it is. NO IDEA. Not anything that is actually purple, that much is for sure. And not anything that I think is a fruit, or a vegetable, or anything else that should ever be ingested. China- what are you doing? What. Are. You. Doing.

After scraping my tongue with a napkin to rid the aftertaste of Purple, we headed out. As we were exiting I noticed the most wonderful Restaurant Health Code rating system I have yet to see. Note the picture.

Why yes, that is China’s official smiley-face rating system.

Oh, well…why not change topics and talk about two other things that caused me to do a double-take. One: Strange food combinations. I have no idea what market research team realized that Blueberry Lay’s potato chips would be a raging success in China, but good job team! I took a photo of them and the next day the shelves were empty. Or…maybe China did a covert food-recall…who knows.

Thing number 2: My first Chinese lesson. The image displays but one of two pages of solid text, no pinyin support, and I didn’t know about a third of the characters (and they were the important ones that make the sentence make sense…shucks).

So…I'd chalk my first week in Shanghai up to being full of adrenalin, lost time, and crazy realizations. All in all- I’d call it a success.