"Throw Caution to the Forward Slope!"

----- A sign outside the Ming Tombs -----

Oh. My. Goodness.

I have been working on the Beijing post for 2 hours.

It is taking forever.

One of these days in the near future it will be finished.

Today is not that day.

But...Have I mentioned how skitzo the weather is here?

I never thought a 100% chance of precipitation WITHOUT it actively raining was possible...Welcome to Shanghai summers.

Play-by-play:

1.I awake from my slumber to look outside and shriek "HOLY GOODNESS THE WORLD FLIPPED OVER AND THE OCEAN IS FALLING!!!"

2. The gods keep toying with me while I get ready for the day by providing a solid blanket of rain for me to stare at through my window. I am immensely dreading this walk to class.

3. It stops raining 15 minutes before I have to leave. I am extremely exuberant. I decide to pull on my rain boots in anticipation of pouncing in some puddles on my way to class...

4. I exit my building into a cloud of water. I look at the slightly damp ground around me and gawk in horror as there are NO VISIBLE PUDDLES IN SIGHT.

Why yes, my dear friends, Shanghai is so hot that it has the ability to evaporate a hellish rain storm in a matter of mere minutes, only the water is so heavy that it cannot physically rise back into the sky.

I was soaked by the time I got to class. My rain boots were dry.

...

CCTV where have you been all my life?

Hidie-ho, yo

I returned from Beijing yesterday, battled myself a headache/migraine I can only equate to what I would assume going head to head with a minotaur would feel like...annoying and a little awkward, and the whole time you are like, "Is this really happening?"...

Today was spent doing a little bit of absolutely nothing, some everyday activities, and then the shocking realization that I should have turned on my television a LONG time ago...

I just finished watching an advertisement for a ping pong match. Slow motion paddles flying through the air, sweat dripping ever-so gracefully from the slightest Asian chin-stubble, and a super serious voice that sounds like the Ninja Warrior voice-over.

Yeah...been watching hardcore ping pong all night. I keep telling myself that I will be productive and wash my clothes, or go and find real food for dinner...but no. This stuff is mesmerizing.

Seriously. Try. It. Out.

Oh yeah- Beijing posts will be coming soon...I have 250 photos to sort through and adventures to recall...

Until later I will leave you with this beauty to admire:

Why yes, those are jean shorts over long white pants.

"China! We like you to!"

A sign I saw in the bathroom at dinner tonight: Energiz Paper, Tank You!

...

What...Did I just use some sort of caffeine-infused paper? Do you want me to be eco-friendly? What do you want from me!?

Thus began and ended my mini breakdown of the day.

In the last two days, I have come across five glorious reasons why China is absolutely, unequivocally, crazy.

1. You make giant Iphones (illegally. But who cares? You are China- do whatcha gonna do.)

2. You brain-wash people while they get thur hairs did.

3. You consider dogs to be walking, barking food items.

^^^^^Yes, that does say Dog Meat^^^^^

^^^^^…yup. It is what you think it is.^^^^^

4. You have large groups of middle-aged ladies dancing in the middle of the street.

5. Subway time is phone time. ONLY PHONE TIME…and stare –at-white-girl time.

But, all the same, you provide me with endless amounts of entertainment, so keep it up, China, keep it up.

Reasons why I think my Chinese professor is adorable...

An e-mail I just got from my Chinese professor:

hi, taylor!

I am laoshi! I want to tell u that yourfinal exam score is just 35% of your total score.

Your total score is 90! so your grade is A-!

I know that you r audit in my class! The grade is not very important!

But i want to tell you that you do very well!

You r a very good student! I like you !

See you at farewell dinner!

AAAhhh...why is she so cute?!

All before 10am

After waking up at 6am, and preparing for my Chinese final, I was feeling pretty awesome.

This feeling amplified times a million when I looked outside and saw that the sky was ACTUALLY BLUE. HOLY GOODNESS ME.

Further yet, after taking the Chinese final and realizing that I was still alive and did not have the urge to jump from my balcony, I was thinking that this day was going to be glorious.

I decided to treat myself by going to a newly discovered bakery and purchasing lunch (after purchasing, I realized it was not even 9am). My food of choice? An aptly named item: Inquisitive Bacon Pepper.

In my head, I recall the next moments as such: I am skipping down the street, singing to myself, "La la la the sky is blue and this day is magical, la la la" when I hear an "eeeeeeeee!!!! CRACK."

...

Why yes- I had just witnessed a chicken get its lil' neck snapped. I then proceeded to stand, mouth gaping, and stare as a small man squatted on the ground atop a pile of chicken bones and pulled off the chicken's feathers, gutted and bled out the bird.

I realized my eyes were watering because I refused to blink, and I actually took two steps back and sat down- mesmerized by this activity. About this time, a lady walked up and began bargaining with the man for the chicken. They were conversing about a price when he nonchalantly cast the lifeless body aside- right into the steaming guts- in order to pull out his wallet. This is where I had a shocking realization about how dirty Chinese yuan must be.

Eventually, I gathered my wits, came out of my chicken-induced trance, and continued on my way back to my dorm.

It is not even 10am and my day has already been fulfilled.

Blue? No way.

Today the sky was almost blue.

I took a picture, which seemed to confuse the living daylights out of an old man doing old-people exercises.

Then realized that I have never taken a picture of my daily walk to class…so I did that too.

After my exam, where the professor asked us questions regarding concepts I never knew existed, I walked to the grocery store. I bought some fruit and veggies, spoke to the clerk behind the counter, freaked another old man out who walked up to me, starred me in the face, and walked away baffled. Who would have thunk that Chinese could spill out of a white girl’s mouth? Granted, I am sure I was wandering around looking incredibly lost and he was just wondering what the heck I was doing…such is life.

. . .

Oh…I also went to a karaoke bar with the people in my program…

And that is all as of now!

The most massive mall, Hangzhou and my internship interview

My bad if this post sounds all whiny- deal.

The Most Massive Mall

Let me preface this by saying that I have never been to the Mall of America, or any other super large malls- just shut it if you have criticism and let me talk- THIS PLACE WAS HUGE.

Not only that but every so often you would get these nine-story butterfly dangly things (see picture) that could only have been installed in China where they have the sheer man-power to spend hours upon hours untangling the knots that these strands must have caused. I was in awe. I actually found myself walking around with my mouth open for a bit until I realized I looked exactly like a typical gawking tourist in trepidation over some country’s sheer materialistic power.

Do you see the red cafe? Did you know Versace (designer) also has a specialty line of cafes?

LAME.

Tower of butterflies.

Hangzhou

Last week we went to Hangzhou for an overnight trip. I had been looking forward to the trip the whole week but honestly- it was unimpressive (hence why it has taken me forever to write about it). Granted, I may sound a little stuck up here- I mean, come on. Unimpressive? I’m in freakin’ China. But…yeah.

We awoke bleary-eyed and were corralled onto a bus (I seriously feel like cattle sometimes) where we sat for four hours on the bumpiest highway I have yet to encounter. We pulled over into a bus stop, and everyone got out, shuffled to the bathroom where people were literally using a wall to pee. No stall doors, no toilet paper- only a slightly slanted floor and a wall (now I really feel like cattle). Back on the bus. Finally, we got into Hangzhou. Lunch, hotel- nap for one hour- back out to go visit a temple.

This temple was a weird mixture of a too-heavy religious feel matched with a mist that would not allow you to see further than several yards. It was a strange combination. I’ve spent several minutes trying to put this emotion into words and all I can think of is this: consider being fully clothed and wrapped in a blanket of rain, soaked to the point where you wouldn’t care if you fell into a lake or not- but all you want is to be dry.

Uugh. So, maybe it still doesn’t make sense. Anyway, I left the group and wandered on my own, as usual. I ended up going to the top of the temple where there was a small worship area and few people. I sat on the steps overlooking the hillside and it was the only time throughout my stay in Hangzhou where peace settled over me and everything was good.

A few minutes later I heard a gong clang, and I went down the hill to where the monks were chanting. I watched them for a bit until I realized that I was late to meet everyone else and headed back.

Sleep.

The next day was somewhat of an endurance test. We awoke at 7ish, and were wandering aimlessly around a lake by 9am. Once again, the air was too thick to take any good pictures. We were all practically drones mindlessly following the director, not even having energy to wander out on our own. Soon enough we were back on the bus to enjoy the jostling ride back home.

The saddest man in Hangzhou

Sass.

Misty mist

Old + New = Confused China.

Internship Information

Forgive me if my usual tone is lacking during this section. The time has reached 2:20am and I feel like this blog post has turned into cruel punishment while I want for the images to load. UUUUGH. Anyway…short points about the internship:

- Will be teaching about 20 (20-30 year old) I.T. guys how to improve their English. I will also be editing documents, etc.

- Work days: Tuesday and Thursday from early in the morning until evening (~ 7am to 7pm).

- There is a shuttle that will take me to work. It leaves at 8am from a location near campus, and then it departs my work place at 5:30pm. The shuttle ride is…wait for it…1.5 hours long. Yup…3 hours in transit every Tuesday and Thursday.

- Benefits? I get to say I worked for an international company in Shanghai, China…

- Negatives? Shuttle ride. BUT- I can invest in some wonderful literature, and I will be good to go!

That is all as of now.

Happy Father’s Day!