Suzhou "For the sake of life!"

Whoa dang. I thought South Carolina was muggy until I met Shanghai. Well…I have now realized that China still holds gloriously obnoxious weather surprises for me to discover. Suzhou wins the “Can I Actually Breathe Here?” Game, hands down.

Apart from questioning death every step of the way, my trip was entertaining to say the least. I’m kind of bummed that I experienced the most awesome place China has (in my opinion) within the first week of my trip. You all remember the water village with the beautiful photos of absolute awesomeness? Yeah…I miss that place. No other location has lived up to it. BUT- Suzhou is nice for its own nonsense, which I will now blab on and on about:

The day began with me stumbling out of bed (I feel like most days start this way…)- oh! PAUSE. I have to tell you all about this CRAZY dream I had…first of all, NEVER NAP IN CHINA. I swear- each time I awake thinking, OH HELL NO IM NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN…then, the next day I’m all like “eh…maybe it won’t happen again?”… Each time I have taken a nap during the day, I’ve dreamed of horrific things happening or being done to my teeth. I looked it up on some “Let Me Tell You All About What Your Psychotic Dreams Mean” website and dreams about teeth apparently mean that I am self- conscious about my appearance…eh? I’M IN CHINA. The last thing I’m thinking about is how I look. Goodness. BUT- apparently I am freakishly self-conscious given the dream I am about to retell: So…I am wandering around in the world of Alice in Wonderland meets post-apocalyptic construction site, trying to find books. Even when the world ends, I have priorities okay? I meet up with Dream Family (not Dream as in, ohhhh you are the bestest ever- dream as in…are you for real or are you going to morph into a gopher?) and they shove this contraption into my mouth. Awesome. Apparently I need my jaw stretched and this thing makes it so my mouth opens super wide, and I have no hopes of shutting it. Yay life. When they take the contraption out, my teeth begin trying to rearrange themselves- yet they do this by cracking, shattering, and popping out of my mouth. I am doubled over in dream-pain (a.k.a. lots of pressure and weird feelings), as little shards of teeth sprinkle down to the ground. Best part of the day-mare? I look up to see the crazy rabbit from Alice in Wonderland pointing and chuckling at me. Also, all the houses in the background keep sinking into the earth and resurfacing…Sometimes I wonder what drugs would be like if this is what my brain comes up with on a normal day…

Okay…Suzhou time!

First of all, how to pronounce Suzhou à “Sue- joe”. Tada!

Bumpy bumpy bus ride…oh look! An ungodly massive water tower. Who said China was running out of water? Lies.

-----Giant water tower. Do you see all those stairs?-----

The Humble Administrator’s Garden

Get this: I looked up this place in Wikipedia so that maybe I’d have some facts to tell you all…the first line states “it is the largest garden in Suzhou and generally considered the finest garden in southern China.” ...Quite humble if you ask me. So basically, the history of this garden is that it belonged to, you guessed it, an administrator in China. He was all like “I’m gonna retire now, and all I want is to chill in my massive garden.” So, that’s what he did. Eventually he keeled over and his son took control of the place, but acting how most rich, spoiled kids act today, he lost the garden due to gambling debts.

Jerk.

Eventually it got back into the hands of the Chinese government, and they turned it into a tourist spot (to squeeze all the money out of it that they could). So, let me tell you about my adventure through the humble wilderness…

First, an Asian child spots Romelle (a large black man)…Romelle and small Asian child have a stare-off, where the child simply stands and points with a facial expression a mix of sheer “WHAT IS THAT?!” and horror, while Romelle sits there and laughs. After the mother fears for her child’s life and whisks him away, we continue onward into the labyrinth over teeny-tiny bridges and around ponds, up through rocky passageways and down into the dark depths of- well…reverse rocky passageways?

-----Romelle dueling a small child.-----

As we are wandering, I see off in the distance a vague blue shape upon a high rock. I decide to investigate. Turns out some kid decided that the ideal study place is perched on top of a massive rock in the middle of a bustling tourist destination. But of course. This makes perfect sense.

-----Studying Asian.-----

There were so many people everywhere that it was near to impossible to get a picture without a person in it, so eventually I gave up and started taking pictures of the people and having my own picture taken. Generally I fight my way through the crowds to get a solid picture, but I guess I’ve grown more accepting and “Chinese” and now just sort of go with the flow and not question things. DEPRESSING. Honestly, this was the day after my fight home from work, and I was exhausted…CHINA WILL NOT WIN. Fear not, my mentality is as stubborn as always (some of you may sigh or say “well…shucks”, but shut up and deal. I’m an Odom, after all).

-----Me with others in the group-----

-----Me and a building. Wow.-----

Oh yeah, I also saw this river thing:

-----River.-----

Eventually we resurfaced from the humid-death-trap, and piled back onto the bus to wander on over (after making a detour for lunch) to a silk-making factory.

Suzhou Silk Factory

So…I learned how silk is made. Yup. It is actually kind of crazy how much work goes into it. I completely understand why silk is super expensive now- daaang that stuff takes forever to make. Short summary?

1. Find worm. Make worm eat mulberry bush.

2. Make worm want to not be worm anymore.

3. Worm makes cocoon because it is sad with life.

4. Boil cocoons. Worm subsequently dies due to evil human intervention.

5. weed out bad cocoons. Steam good cocoons.

6. Start to unravel super tiny silk thread from one cocoon, combine with five others. Insert into machine.

7. Machine twists the 6 silk threads together to get one “for-real” thread. Near to impossible to break- I tried.

8. I sort of got side-tracked by something shiny in the corner during this phase of the explanation…

-----Pulling silk thread.-----

Then he went on to show us how you make the stuffing to pillows or comforters:

1. Wet cocoon. Pull out sad, dead worm. Stretch cocoon to create “single-ply” cloth-thing.

2. Wet single-ply cloth-thing. Stretch single ply on arch-thingy. Do steps 1-2 6 times.

3. Take this 6-ply arch-thingy, and stretch over larger arch-thingy. Do this 6 times.

4. Take this, and stretch out once, to be the size of a comforter. Do this 400 times.

5. You now have a silk comforter’s inside-ness.

Yup…also apparently they put the silk worm’s poop inside the pillow because they think it is good aromatherapy. Surprise!

Upon leaving, I was admiring the silk clothing on the mannequins when I was accosted by this one:

-----Mannequin from hell.-----

Tiger Hill

So, Wikipedia claims that Tiger Hill got its name because it looks like a crouching tiger. What. Whoever wrote this article has apparently never seen the GIANT TOWER on the hill…so much for “crouching”…

In actuality, or, mythology, or ancient story-time, or whatever there’s a dude, Wu King Helu, buried on the hill, and apparently three days after his burial a white tiger showed up out of nowhere and decided to chill on the guy’s grave for awhile.

Okay, Wikipedia needs an overhaul on this one. It also goes off on a tangent to claim that some great Jin master “traded his calligraphy for lovable geese”…what this has to do with Tiger Hill, or dead buried guy, I have no idea. All I do know is that they cannot uncover the dead-dude’s tomb because the critical rock to open the tomb is also the rock holding up the giant tower- a tower that has been standing for over 1,000 years and is also known as the “second leaning tower” in the world (probably also the only other leaning tower…everyone else fixed theirs.)

So, basically, we have a lot of rocks. One famous rock called the “Sword-Testing Rock”…you test swords there. Another giant rock called “Thousand People’s Rock”…you put people there. There is also this pond, dubbed Sword Pond because it is claimed that 3000 swords are buried under the pond, but this legend cannot, once again, become known because of that darned leaning Pagoda being so finicky with its foundation. Honestly, I think we can blame all of this on the architect who decided to stick the pagoda on all of this cool and mysterious nonsense. For the second time in this post- Jerk.

-----Leaning pagoda-----

But this place did have some awesome signs…Get ready for this!

-----Please Don't Climb Trees and Pick flowers for the sake of life-----

-----Loving care cultural relic Please do not climb up-----

-----Fire off in scenic spots!-----

-----You care for the lawn is appreciated.-----

-----Protection cultural relic Surmounts the danger-----

-----Boundless Clouds-----

-----Only in the Sun of Civilization Can Trees Maintain Evergreen-----

After all that philosophizing, I think I'm going to go to sleep...

Hallucinations on the Subway

I knew I was ill when I woke up at 5am shivering under the covers. The air around me read almost 80 degrees Fahrenheit, and my entire body ached. One problem- I had to get to my internship.

Thus, the next hour and a half was spent stumbling around my apartment grumbling angrily at inanimate objects, showering in scalding hot water which turned my entire body red. I knew I was irrationally cold, I mean…my forehead was burning up and I kept shaking, all I wanted was heat.

I don’t quite recall how I made it to the subway, then the bus, then to work. I do recollect hovering over my computer with a box of tissues and simply waiting out the work day…

My memory reappears while I am on the bus heading home from work. I remember suddenly becoming incredibly hot and feeling as though the sun was beating down on my back even though the air conditioning was blowing strong. I shed the sweater I had been wearing all day, and suddenly was overcome with the intense need to drink all of the water in the world. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no water around me- nor would I have the opportunity to purchase water for the next two hours.

Looking back on this moment in the epic adventure home I realize how amazing the human mind can be. It controls everything- absolutely everything we think and do. It holds within its walls our incredible ability to cope with uncomfortable situations. Honestly- when the situation arises, we learn to adapt in a split second if our surroundings show no other option. This is what I think happened to me around this time, because the next thing I recall is that I am on the subway clutching a poll for dear life and listening to Haydn’s Surprise Symphony No. 94 in G. You might want to play this while you read through the remainder of this post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gF-Wzp8Ni8

This is when my recollection of events takes a turn for the twisted…

So…my subway ride home is about 30 minutes, but I “regained consciousness” just as the voice overhead bellowed “…dao Yancheng…” which meant in my delirious head that the next stop was my savior. I suddenly become aware that my body is shaking and my head feels like it is going to explode. I looked around the subway and tried to focus on people’s faces but they were continuously rotating. Yes, the faces were rotating- the head and body did not move, but the faces were vibrating back and forth, and some looked like they were being pushed back into the subject’s head, as though their faces were imploding.

I exit the subway, head upstairs and out into the humid night air. I now have about a ten minute walk home. All I remember are two things, and keep this in mind: my surroundings consist of a shouting crowd of homogenous faces that I am trying to avoid looking at for obvious hallucinogenic reasons, steaming carts and street vendors that require skilled dodging, a dark sky overhead, and uneven pavement that I swear has a mind of its own:

1. As I was crossing the street there was a group of old ladies doing old-lady-dancing. The only weird thing is that they were moving EXACTLY to the beat of Haydn’s symphony. I stopped and let the crowd of people crossing flow around, or into, me. My mouth dropped open and my eyes locked onto this seemingly magical charade before me. I’m thinking “how did they know to choreograph a dance to this song? How did they know I’d be here, right now, to watch it? This. Is. Magic.” I actually stopped for so long that I did not notice the light above me change to green and cars began honking angrily for me to get out of the way.

2. I literally ran smack into the fattest Asian man I have yet to see. The only problem was that I thought I had just been hit by a car so I let out a scream and yelled “STOP MOVING!” (yes, in English). After suffering whiplash from the bounce-back and the woefully uncomfortable feeling of having my shaking self body-checked, I realized that nay- it was not a car but a man. Not only that, but this incredibly large man had the utter most petrified face I have yet to witness. He just stood there, arms stretched out and staring at me as thought he thought I was a broken rag doll. Granted, I’m sure my own face looked like I was on all kinds of drugs. My only solution at that moment was to maneuver around the massive boulder, stay silent and keep walking.

Somehow I ended up in my room. I only know this because I awoke at 7am, still in my work clothes, shoes on, bag wrapped around my shoulder. I was laying face down on the bed. I literally did not move for 11 hours. I got up to wash my face, etc. and laughed out loud at the sight in the mirror. Not only had my mascara created intricate designs of wonder around my eyes, but I had sheet impressions all over my face as though I was a wrinkly old woman.

…with that said, I assume my fever broke in the middle of the night, because I did awake drenched in sweat. After a shower, I did a self check. My body is still aching and I have a cough that sounds like I am possessed and communing with the devil. Other than that, I also have a nose that has high aspirations to become a faucet and a brain that wants a larger skull.

But what can ya do?

So, fear not readers who actually care/worry about me! I obviously can take care of myself in this big bad city…even when faced with fantastical dancers, morphing faces and the rare assault by Car-Man, all while maintaining a fever at hallucination-level, I can still make it home to my bed.

Take that China. I win again.

Beijing Part One

Oh, hi Beijing…

Forgive my lack-luster depiction of Beijing…

Here’s the deal. I’m used to Shanghai by now. I’ve got the great public transportation memorized (great for China…keep that part in mind), I’m happy with my cheap cab rides after 11pm, I’m good with the ease of finding places to eat or whatever the heck I need at any hour of the day. With that said…

Beijing kinda attacked me in a weird, surprising sort of way.

My first evening in Beijing was a strange adjustment period. Did you all know that the city of Beijing is the size of Switzerland? It. Is. Massive. If Godzilla ever decided to come chill in Shanghai and squash all of the super tall buildings- that is how Beijing feels- low buildings and incredibly spread out. Like Wal-Mart spread out. Or like…Yao Ming is to Shanghai as a sumo wrestler is to Beijing…okay. Enough analogies- the place is huge.

Although Beijing is the capital of China and claims to be the cultural center of the country, it is not my city. I thought it would be since I did not really like Shanghai’s massive city-feel, but Beijing does not have any inkling of “small” or “comfort” to it…I was actually happy to return to Shanghai, and I am now quite satisfied that I chose the right place to study.

But don’t get me wrong- Beijing is also pretty…eh…awesome? Nope. I tried guys- I tried to muster up some enthusiasm, but it is just not flowing. I’ve put off this post for almost a week (update: two weeks now…but I am blaming my VPN issues for the second week part) hoping that I might get struck by lightning and have my brain rewired to feel the utmost joy and love for my trip. Maybe it was how I experienced the city. I’ve never been on a week-long tour where I lacked the choice of sites to visit, length of stay, etc…I am thinking that holds a lot of the reasons for my mundane response. I mean…I most definitely saw a lot. A LOT. And I am super thankful for that.

Okay. Obviously I am trying to make it seem like I am not some spoiled, stuck up brat who is all like “Oh, Beijing? Pssh- unimpressive.” It was impressive, but aaah- I could keep typing forever trying to say the same thing over and over. Here it is, plain and simple: I went on the trip expecting to see the authentic culture and heritage of China, and what I experienced was some fake, ostentatious, and over exploited place that seemed to have lost all the charm and character it once had.

Anywho- Onward to explain what exactly it is that I ended up doing with my life for a week in the capital of China:

Day 1: Fly in, decompress, meet everyone over dinner. Return to hotel room- crash.

This is my first encounter with Beijing-style cuisine. If I had to explain Shanghai-style cuisine to you, I would have a really hard time. Beijing-style is incredibly obvious: sweet and fried. Everything is sugary, deep fried, or both. This is most definitely where the influence for American-style Chinese food came from.

-----Ah, yes...that makes perfect sense.-----

After dinner I returned to my hotel room where the air conditioner was broken. Alas, I would not let this get me down!

Day 2: Tian’an Men Square, The Forbidden City, and the Temple of Heaven

Do not be fooled by the name of the places I visited on this day. Sounds pretty bad-ass, yeah? Well…you be the judge.

Tian’an Men Square

It is a giant concrete square full of people. If it were not famous for its historical (historic? Grammar- you will forever be my enemy!) implications no one would visit it and go straight on to the Forbidden City that is right beside (in front? Behind? Directions- where did you go?!) it. I could not figure out why there were so many Chinese tourists hanging out on the square- that is, until I realized they were there for an entirely different reason. Little did I know that I and three other girls were the main attraction. I have never been so bombarded with photo-demands in my life. Granted, I was not as harassed as the 6-foot tall African-American girl who just flew in the day before. Poor, poor girl. She had not had the chance to slowly be immersed in the awkwardness that is Asian-Foreign photo obsessions.

-----have I mentioned this yet? Many people don’t know, and it is something you should definitely know if you are going to travel in China: If you look different, people will stare. They will take pictures. They will want to touch you. About once a day I will catch someone taking my picture as I walk by, and once a week someone will ask to have their picture taken with me- it happens to every foreigner who is obviously foreign- I have no idea what happens to these photos. I often wonder if every Asian family has their vacation photo album, “And here Tian’an Men Square…there is the government building…that’s the white girl…Over there is…” -----

Back to Tian’an Men! So what turned into an anticipated 20-minute walk across the square ended up being an hour-long battle between USAC study abroaders and the native Chinese. I am sorry to say that I lost. I encountered the most aggressive Chinese tourists I have ever met. One man grabbed my arm and demanded a picture, and when I say “grabbed”, I mean “held on and refused to let go”. After I said no politely and made excuses in Chinese several times, he still insisted. Cue my roommate who barley stands over five feet tall. I have never heard such an annoyed, keep-touching-her-and-you-die “NO” in my life. Finally, we escaped…

-----It is China's 90th year of being Communist...they are kinda super excited about that.-----

The Forbidden City

(Dear world: I just took a three day break on this posting thing…BUT I’M BACK!)

Alright…the Forbidden City…

Honestly, besides the kickass name (sorry for cussing Grandy) this place felt incredibly fake. They repaint most of the buildings yearly, so the site seems to have lost its authenticity. I mean, I get that China is all for appearing ideal in the eyes of others, but some things should simply be preserved, not painted over.

Yet…I have to give the Ming Dynasty some credit: They rock at naming things. Let me lead you all through this gargantuan abode:

1. Enter through the Meridian Gate, and stand in awe as you face the Gate of Supreme Harmony. Flanked on either side of you (far off in the distance) are the East and West Glorious Gates (for real. These are real names). Walky walk walk…Please note to your left the Hall of Military Eminence, and to your right the Hall of Literary Glory. I’d also like to point out that they have a hall dedicated specifically to clocks which I found hilariously awesome. Who in their right mind would think “I wonder what time it is? Well, I might as well go to the HALL OF CLOCKS to find out…”

Anyway….The main attraction is the Hall of Supreme Harmony (guess what? It is just a big hall…) You keep on a-walking and end up smack in front of the Palace of Heavenly Purity. I would have had no idea that any purifying would have occurred here given that it looks IDENTICAL to everything else around it. Ah well, maybe that was the plan- trick the enemy into thinking it was suffering from perpetual déjà vu. But fear not! If you don’t feel like getting pure and all that jazz you can frolic on over to the Hall of Mental Cultivation (a.k.a. brainwashing station). Afterwards you can skip on over to the Palace of Tranquil Longevity (do any of these names start to feel like you have entered into an old-folks home and these are happy words for euthanasia?). Lastly, after a stroll through the Imperial garden you can exit through the Gate of Divine Might.

Yeah…wow China. Wow. Creativity points out the wazoo. The U.S. could learn a few things, I mean…seriously? The White House? Guys…come on. China has the freakin’ FORBIDDEN CITY…white house? Really. Get. With. It.

-----Oh, hi Mao.-----

-----I was criticized for not putting pictures of myself in my blog, so here you are...gotta love that pseudo-smile (recall: this is immediately following the bombardment of Asian photographs) -----

-----Is it just me or does this lion have the same expression that I have above?-----

----- I don't know what this lady was thinking. -----

-----Each building has, on each corner, 9 little guardians. The number "9" is considered to be lucky. -----

The only notable occurrence that happened around the Forbidden City visit was that this strange Asian man appeared out of freakin’ nowhere (seriously, like POOF HI IM HERE). He asked for me to take a picture with him, and I’ve learned by now that complying with these frightening Asian demands is easier than trying to run away. So…SNAP. Picture taken. He runs away (literally, runs.)

La la la, time passes, oh look more of the same thing, la la la, have I been here before? No…oh. Really? La la la, oh look! Freedom beyond that gate! Yay, we are out! Finally!

…then the same man appears again beside me. Seriously- he scared me and I jumped (tricky little man). He pulls out of his wallet a laminated photo, and first shows me the back of it. It says “Wang Peng (not actually his name, but it was in Chinese and I can’t read Chinese names) and his wife”…I am thinking “this dude is crazy, why on earth is he showing me this?” …then he flips the photo over so I can see the actual picture…

Yup. It’s the photo we took together no less than an hour ago.

Dude is a creeper. Oh dear goodness me. Everyone else in the group had a face that perfectly expressed this thought: What. Just. Happened.

…yeah. I have no idea where the little man went after he showed me the picture; he just disappeared again…So…hey, ya’ll! Want to send me some wedding presents? Cool. Thanks.

The Temple of Heaven

Once again, China and those names! The Temple of Heaven was EXACTLY like the Forbidden City except the buildings were round and the area was more desolate. Yeah…I am not going to go into detail about this place. You got your Hall of Prayer for Good Harvests, and then you got your typical Imperial Vault of Heaven. No biggie.

-----Oh, hey. Yup...that's me.-----

By now, my brain is full of fantastical names, my eyes are numb to brilliant colors, and if anyone so help me God tries to take another picture with me I will stab them in the eye with my chopstick.

K. Thanks. Goodnight.

Day Three: The Great Wall of holly-goodness-me and the Ming Tombs

The Great Wall

Dearest People…the Great Wall was insane. You climb at practically a 70 degree incline (no joke, here is a picture I took- see…practically straight up)

-----Looking down. Yay steep things!-----

And every other “step” or so is a GREAT LEAP (yes. Pun intended). Seriously though, it was like, baby step, baby step, la, la, climbing is easy, OH DEAR GOD IS THAT A STEP OR A WALL, let me just use my hands to hoist myself up over this mini-wall-of-doom, oh look- more baby steps…

Yeah…basically, it was incredibly inconsistent but awesome nonetheless. I climbed forever up (I’m climbing a mountain, so what would you expect?) and every so often I would stop and look back down…I noticed after about the 8^th tower stop that I could no longer see “down”. That’s right- the world had actually ceased to exist around me. I felt incredibly at peace with everything, mainly because “everything” consisted of me, the immediate stone surroundings (at this point in time I had yet to become irrationally angry at the stairs) and grey clouds. I noticed after about an hour of climbing that it was really hard to breathe…I think that is when I realized how high up I had actually gone. I continuously tried to capture what I was seeing with my camera, but it was impossible. It was a view only meant for those there in person. I’ll show you what pictures I took, but they are nothing compared to what I experienced.

-----"Heart cerebral disease sufferer ascend the Great Wall to please watch for."-----

Granted, the journey was not all awe-inspiring. I was coated in sweat and my legs were oddly wobbly by the end of the downward trek. After I hit the last step (cue irrational anger at previously mentioned steps), I turned around and looked back towards my conquered feat but I was only able to see at least the 4^th tower…less than half the way up.

Ming Tombs

This will consist of a paragraph- mostly of me whining. Why would people pay to see this?! I get visiting cultural sites, I do. But when those sites were raided during the Cultural Revolution, and NOTHING IS LEFT INSIDE…what is the point in going to see an empty hole?

BUT I went anyway. I ventured downward, deep into the ground, only to be cattle-prodded through empty, dripping corridors (it also kind of grossed me out to realize that the tombs were dripping due to body heat and breath exhalation- that water only evaporates back up to the ceiling, falls down, and does it over and over again…eck). I got to look at three large red boxes (caskets) and a heck of a lot of money thrown on the ground around the caskets. Eventually, you are herded out, and climb the steps back up to civilization.

-----I love being crammed into a tomb with no ability to move! -----

----- Get money, get paid. -----

...Break for Dinner...

Then, an acrobat show!

-----Charming Birds Are Flying Around You-----

The Acrobat show was awesome. Nuf' said.

Thus ends Beijing Post part 1…It is taking forever and a day to load the pictures for this post, so I will wait to post part 2…

"Throw Caution to the Forward Slope!"

----- A sign outside the Ming Tombs -----

Oh. My. Goodness.

I have been working on the Beijing post for 2 hours.

It is taking forever.

One of these days in the near future it will be finished.

Today is not that day.

But...Have I mentioned how skitzo the weather is here?

I never thought a 100% chance of precipitation WITHOUT it actively raining was possible...Welcome to Shanghai summers.

Play-by-play:

1.I awake from my slumber to look outside and shriek "HOLY GOODNESS THE WORLD FLIPPED OVER AND THE OCEAN IS FALLING!!!"

2. The gods keep toying with me while I get ready for the day by providing a solid blanket of rain for me to stare at through my window. I am immensely dreading this walk to class.

3. It stops raining 15 minutes before I have to leave. I am extremely exuberant. I decide to pull on my rain boots in anticipation of pouncing in some puddles on my way to class...

4. I exit my building into a cloud of water. I look at the slightly damp ground around me and gawk in horror as there are NO VISIBLE PUDDLES IN SIGHT.

Why yes, my dear friends, Shanghai is so hot that it has the ability to evaporate a hellish rain storm in a matter of mere minutes, only the water is so heavy that it cannot physically rise back into the sky.

I was soaked by the time I got to class. My rain boots were dry.

...

CCTV where have you been all my life?

Hidie-ho, yo

I returned from Beijing yesterday, battled myself a headache/migraine I can only equate to what I would assume going head to head with a minotaur would feel like...annoying and a little awkward, and the whole time you are like, "Is this really happening?"...

Today was spent doing a little bit of absolutely nothing, some everyday activities, and then the shocking realization that I should have turned on my television a LONG time ago...

I just finished watching an advertisement for a ping pong match. Slow motion paddles flying through the air, sweat dripping ever-so gracefully from the slightest Asian chin-stubble, and a super serious voice that sounds like the Ninja Warrior voice-over.

Yeah...been watching hardcore ping pong all night. I keep telling myself that I will be productive and wash my clothes, or go and find real food for dinner...but no. This stuff is mesmerizing.

Seriously. Try. It. Out.

Oh yeah- Beijing posts will be coming soon...I have 250 photos to sort through and adventures to recall...

Until later I will leave you with this beauty to admire:

Why yes, those are jean shorts over long white pants.

"China! We like you to!"

A sign I saw in the bathroom at dinner tonight: Energiz Paper, Tank You!

...

What...Did I just use some sort of caffeine-infused paper? Do you want me to be eco-friendly? What do you want from me!?

Thus began and ended my mini breakdown of the day.

In the last two days, I have come across five glorious reasons why China is absolutely, unequivocally, crazy.

1. You make giant Iphones (illegally. But who cares? You are China- do whatcha gonna do.)

2. You brain-wash people while they get thur hairs did.

3. You consider dogs to be walking, barking food items.

^^^^^Yes, that does say Dog Meat^^^^^

^^^^^…yup. It is what you think it is.^^^^^

4. You have large groups of middle-aged ladies dancing in the middle of the street.

5. Subway time is phone time. ONLY PHONE TIME…and stare –at-white-girl time.

But, all the same, you provide me with endless amounts of entertainment, so keep it up, China, keep it up.

Reasons why I think my Chinese professor is adorable...

An e-mail I just got from my Chinese professor:

hi, taylor!

I am laoshi! I want to tell u that yourfinal exam score is just 35% of your total score.

Your total score is 90! so your grade is A-!

I know that you r audit in my class! The grade is not very important!

But i want to tell you that you do very well!

You r a very good student! I like you !

See you at farewell dinner!

AAAhhh...why is she so cute?!